Hey!Did you know?
God loves you!
Anyways...
Hello.
I'm Shen Shen.
Or Roseanne Dizon. -.-
And basically, this is where I pour out my life story, my ideas, my opinions, my experiences and pretty much everything to do with "me" just because idk really.
So yeah... enjoy?
Toodles! ♥
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Pursuit of Happy Shen
Well, I can’t really blame anyone, can I? They never said It would be easy; they just didn’t mention that It would be one of the hardest things you would ever do.
It. With a capital I. Because “It” isn’t just some other thing like toilet paper or pillows. “It” happens to drive the world in motion or even, a lack of “It” drives the world insane.
It is love and love is It.
It. Capital I. “There’s no I in TEAM” but hell yeah there’s an I in It, an I in love (though not literally but still, it’s there). You’d think it’s all about the other person, wouldn’t you? That it usually revolves around them. Well, it kinda does. Until you realize that during difficult times, at the end of the day, it’s all down to you. Stay or go. Stick through it or just leave.
But let’s not skip ahead. Go back a bit.
Love. It’s a beautiful verb, isn’t it? The verb of making someone happy with your good morning messages, hugs, kisses, compliments, late night deep conversations, etcetera etcetera etcetera…
But I don’t know. I’ve come to realize that the verb to love is really a lot more than just those actions. A lot more than just pleasing someone with your little sentiments.
Note: “COME” to realize. It didn’t just occur to me at the start. Yes, any relationship which involves It would tell you the true meaning of the verb love and if you don’t know what I mean? Well, wait until you’re a good bit into the relationship and come back to me.
But anyway.
It’s so funny and weird. Whenever I heard of love, the following usually pops into my mind:
- Butterflies in one’s stomach
- Magic in the air
- Bouquet of flowers
- Surprise dates
- Etcetera
- Etcetera
- Etcetera
You get the point.
So naive. So stupid, even. You’d think that the above is what makes love beautiful, don’t you? But it’s really when you scratch way beneath the surface that the true beauty of love really reveals itself.
It’s when you can’t stand them and want to punch their face so much but, at the same time, you can’t imagine anyone else you’d rather spend the rest of your life with.
It’s when you’re willing to forgive despite common sense fighting against you.
It is the action of forgiving despite everything.
Forgiveness.
Wow, where is this blog post heading to.
I don’t know, guys.
I’m Drunk on Ed Sheeran right now. Get it? Sheerios will get it.
And now I’m off topic. Great.
I’ll just end this by throwing in a few words that maybe would make this post make sense if I ever decide to read back to this post in the future…
Love.
Forgiveness.
Love.
A part of loving is forgiving, isn’t it?
And here comes the part where I said there’s an I in love. Because it’s down to you in the end. Whether you lower your pride and let your love win. Or you lower your love and let your pride win.
But then if you really do love someone…
Ok. Enough blogging for tonight, Shen. Go home, Shen. You’re Drunk.
I’ve always wanted a fish, always begged for one. I think my obsession with fishes began with my Irish teacher’s goldfish at the back of class during third year. I still clearly remember how adorable that little fishy looked. Looking like an utter weirdo, I played with it. When I got Sam, he fit the role perfectly. I got him for Christmas. The 29th of December, to be exact. I can vividly picture that moment when we picked him amongst all the other fishes. He was the chubbiest and cutest one. Without a name for him yet, we went to church for the usual Sunday mass later that day. The first line of the first reading revealed the birth of a baby named Samuel. From that moment, my whole family went home thinking of the same thing: my fishy was to be called Sam. And he was.
I grew so fond of Sam. Coming home every day after school and, at the sight of me, Sam wildly wiggling in his bowl knowing it was feeding time, became a routine. But not for a second was it a chore. A responsibility, yes. I did everything for him. My family left him solely in my hands: the cleaning, the feeding, etc. But they slowly grew fond of him too. I could see it. My mom and both of my brothers (though the other is in denial of it) began to see him the way I saw him: more than a fish. Sam became part of the family.
Sam’s bowl sat on the coffee table in the living room. Therefore, it was impossible for any of us to avoid his cuteness. Especially me. I loved him. I played with him, letting him follow my finger around his bowl. After a while, he had learnt to nibble my finger too. I even spoke to him like my baby, my baby Sam. He was my baby. He was the family’s baby.
I can recall writing Sam’s message in our mother’s day card for my mom. It went a little something like:
Dear mommy,
Thank you for buying me. I love you.
Sammy
I even remember writing on my mom’s don’t forget list:
JOREN, JONEL, SHEN AND SAM LOVES MOMMY.
But things weren’t always easy. During the Easter holidays, he had quite a few near-death experiences. He managed to recover from them, thankfully. He suffered from constipation and peas were the answer to his problem.
But, on Tuesday, Sam was struggling again. His tummy, at this point appeared to be bulging. I quickly resolved it by feeding him peas and he went back to normal - or so I thought. That night, having stayed up doing my art project, I even checked on him at around 2 AM. He appeared to be sound asleep. I left, satisfied that he was going to be okay again.
I was wrong.
I came home from school that day to see a cloth over his bowl and the sympathetic faces of my family. I couldn’t believe it…
Sam meant a lot to me. He really did. Seeing him there… Lifeless… Floating… It broke my heart. He was gone, just like that.
But the sadness didn’t last just at that moment. Coming home from school the next day thinking of having to feed him and then realizing the truth that there’s nothing but an empty space now on the coffee table where his bowl used to be… That is now the painful reality.
Sam, I know you’re in fishy heaven now. I bet God just wanted you on his own coffee table, wiggling around like the cutie patootie that you are. Know that I miss you though… I won’t forget you. I love you, Sam. Rest in peace, my baby.
My partner in… crime? What, no. Partner in maths!
Happy Halloween from us! :)
Had a wonderful time with this guy in Blanch, trick or treating in the freezing cold like children and watching that gross film Hostel! <3
PS It’s the 1st again! Hihi
We fight. Quite a lot actually. Yesterday was another big one. Not as big as the one a couple weekends ago though - that was almost the “be-all end-all” (see me quoting Macbeth, hahaha! Shut up, I have a quotes test on it on Tuesday so…). Anyway, that actually happened the day before this picture was taken… we recovered from that quite well, as you can see in the picture haha.
I’m getting side-tracked. I was meant to write about something in particular.
Yeah…
Our fights.
I don’t know. Honestly, sometimes, a few days after our fight, I’ve already completely forgotten what we even fought about - they were that insignificant. But then there’s also times when we fight because I’m just in that mood - you know yourself… the hormones going crazy, I’m “bleeding”, moody, whatever mood. And then there’s the very few times when we actually fight about something worth fighting about.
But it’s healthy to fight, I guess? It kinda shows that we are still our own individual selves with different views, opinions, thoughts and whatnot about things. I mean, I wouldn’t want you to be going around like a programmed robot who just agrees with me all the time or acts like a doormat for me so I can just walk on all over you or someone who never challenges me so that I won’t grow as a person. You’re perfect in the way that you are imperfect and I wouldn’t want it in any other way. :)
On the other hand, fighting too much is toxic. When I think about it though, we’re not really like that, are we? I don’t think so anyway, I hope not. It’s not like we make a mountain out of a molehill every few seconds… we do that every now and again though! So that’s good anyway, haha!
Honestly don’t know where I’m going with this post…
But I’ll end it with this:
We fight, we make up. No need for the Katy Perry Hot N Cold process of “we fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up” (not that theres’s anything for us to break! HAHA JK). But yeah… I hope that no matter how big our fights may become, whatever they may be about, it just ends with making up again.
I love you! :’D
Remember the days I used to always do these diary entry things? I don’t remember either! Long, long time ago it was. This is probably gonna be the last one again for another good while because of my most hated words: SUMMER IS FINISHED AND SCHOOL IS BACK ON MONDAY.
So, for me, I considered today as my last day of summer because it sorta is. Sunday just feels too close to Monday to think that it’s the last day of summer.
I’ve to say though, the only part I probably didn’t like about today was this morning…
I woke up at 10 AM and, early as that is for me, it was too late to talk to Jay. Just when we said our hellos, it was already time for him to go and that was that - our last conversation until he comes back in September. :( With the time difference which means I have to either wake up really early or sleep really late to catch him online, and school being back next week, we won’t be able to talk anymore. Sucks, right? Oh wells, it’s all good. As I’ve said before, I really should just be grateful that we even get to talk in the first place while he’s there because we both initially thought that we’d have to go a whole month with no talking because he thought he wouldn’t have internet connection there… so thank God for that! But guess what guys…
10 MORE DAYS TO GO!
Anyways…
I needed to wake up early aswell today because of the Submerge Crew rehearsals. Oh boy, I’ve never sweated so much in my life - I was practically drowning in my own sweat. It really drained every ounce of energy I had. But oh man, was it good. Really good. I miss dancing and I wish I could keep it around and commit to it but with so many other things going on and me being in 5th year which is meant to be a year of hard work, I don’t think I’ll be able to commit to attending training every Saturday. And not just that, I actually already have plans made for the next three Saturdays…
But enjoy this stolen shot of us… you better appreciate this since I digged deep down my newfeed on Facebook, through all those millions and millions of ask.fms, to find this haha! Saw it earlier but forgot who uploaded it so had to find it the hard way… anyways yeah. Spot me?
So after those 4 hours of sweat, I tagged along with Jad’s family at the Tall Boats event. I was their adopted daughter/sister for the day! I love them though… free food and tito and tita paid for me to get on every ride with the Jad and Daj! We got on the bumper cars twice just cause and that crazy ride that goes everywhere and you feel like you left your soul up there when you go up and then suddenly go down… lol, how bad am I at descriptions? But yeah, that. Good fun with my two brothers since childhood. :)
They don’t look too happy to be with me in that picture but I’m sure they were, haha!
Got home at around 8 and surprise surprise… ate Mara was there! Kuya and her were watching some movie… how bankrupt 20-something-year-olds celebrate their 14th monthsary, haha! Missed her so much though and it was really really really nice to see her finally! I went with Kuya as Kuya dropped her home and we stayed there for a bit… I really missed her family too though! Bonding time with Nikai and Neil after what seemed like years! Oh… and laughing at how Kuya thought Neil Armstrong was a famous biker. Yes, I said it… biker!
Got home and played MW3 splitscreen online with my kuyas with whoever between the two playing with the lowest score at the end of the game, having to hand the controller over to the person who didn’t play that time around. And now I’m just waiting for my turn lol. I’m wrecked though… which is, funny enough, very good! I need to sleep early and being wrecked means me sleeping early! And by early, I’m talking about like 1 or 2, not 4/5/6 as usual.
So yeah…
I need to pee and then my turn to play… bye!
IMPORTANT PS Thank you so so so much for this day, God! :) And for my entire summer too! And for everything, really! Thank you for everything, God! :)
I promise you are the only person who can make me feel special even when I fart and laugh while holding your hands
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I’m sorry I’m just laughing at how bad I am with this. Anyone who really knows me knows how I’m really bad at “internet things”. Like replying to Facebook messages or Twitter replies or being consistent with posting on Tumblr. Idk, I was just born to suck at these things. I do go on them though quite often but I mostly just watch everything happen and not really do anything, you know? Jay, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about anyway… but yeah, the point is: I’m sorry with the inconsistency of these posts (DEEP WORD, AY? YEAH, WE’RE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL SOON ENOUGH SO I THOUGH I’D DROP IN A FEW NOSEBLEED WORDS FOR YA HAHA IDK).
But anyways, it’s all good cause for the past few days, we got to talk a lot… HURRAY FOR YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION SMARTBRO OR GLOBE BROADBAND USB THINGAMABOB! Except for today, yeah. Last time we talked was yesterday morning… you made me sleep at like 6 in the morning making me late for cotillion practice but yknow that’s life lol. Ugh, Jay, I don’t know where I’m going with this post anymore. -.-
Just come back will ya -.-
12 more days though!!! Getting real close! Cannot wait to see your super super super dark face and your hairless upper lip AND you better have gotten fat!
LOL, see I told you… I really don’t know where I’m going with this post anymore.
Bye!
:)
