I hate this.

Whatever happened to our friendship - I hate it.

I still remember the times when we were so close, when I could and did tell you everything, when I could just spill it all to you, when I could rant to you and tell you all my little problems, when I could just say anything to you and know that you weren’t there to judge but simply to listen to me. When we were friends.

Then things started to change…

I’m not complaining about change. I know it’s part of my life. But this change… this change that happened between us… it’s not good.

See, you started acting like my … …… and not in the good way. Not in the way where we still got along. It was in the way that you acted responsible, TOO responsible so much so that I couldn’t even tell you anything anymore because I KNEW you were just waiting to judge me, to give out to me, to say that what I’m doing isn’t right or whatever. You didn’t understand me anymore. You were just a person waiting for me to tell you things and ready to give me a sermon already. I didn’t like that and I still don’t.

And then this thing with my …… happened. And you didn’t understand my side either. I know it was a bit too rash to ignore you but I needed to do something so that you two would actually pay attention to what I was trying to say. And it did grab your attention… but you didn’t let me explain. I never got to explain myself.

Now it’s come to the point where we can’t even say a word to each other anymore, we can’t even look each other in the eye, and it’s so sad to think that we were so good back then and now we’ve ended becoming like this. I want us to fix this but I’m no longer willing to be the first one to try. I did try, I tried talking to you a few weeks back. But, no - it didn’t work. You have your pride. And now this time around, I’m keeping my pride too. I’m no longer gonna be the one begging for us to talk. No, not anymore.

This actually upsetted me so much last night… I couldn’t stop thinking about it that I even had a dream about this. Oh wells… that’s that anyway.

Next post will be happier, promise.

Quickest 19-minute-wait ever.

Can’t wait for the next one of those…

That is all.

Goodbye.

:)

Trying to keep my feet on the ground.

It’s just that lately things seem to be too good to be true, like unrealistically good. And every time I’m about to let myself feel happy and good about things, I stop for a second and I tell myself to be cautious, to be realistic, cause there’s bound to be something wrong going on behind all of this and I’ll just end up getting hurt. WOW, I’m become such a pessimist. I mean, I really am grateful about all the good things in my life right now and I constantly thank God for them but it’s just that… I’m just really scared to get hurt so much so that I can’t bring myself to enjoy happy moments fully. Cause at the back of my mind, there’s this fear that it might all be just an illusion, a lie, or something bad. I guess I’ve gotten used to things being like that… Bad times always rolling after good times.

I don’t know.

Anyways, things have been so good lately for me and all I should really be doing is appreciating it while it’s here and quit worrying about the future. That’s God’s job. Gotta just let go of my worries and doubts and let him take control, yeah? Yeah. Ok. :)

God is a gentleman.

Since the beginning of our lives He’s been outside our door knocking, waiting to be let into our lives by us. He does not force himself in and rather, He even gives us the freedom and the choice to choose Him or not. And yet no matter how long we make him wait, the time we finally do open the door to him we would still see him out there waiting patiently with a smile on his face.

Thank you for never giving up on us, God. Thank you. :)