Did you know?
God loves you!
I'm Shen Shen.
Or Roseanne Dizon. -.-
And basically, this is where I pour out my life story, my ideas, my opinions, my experiences and pretty much everything to do with "me" just because idk really.
So yeah... enjoy?
Ask me anything.
I don’t mean to sound like a rapper or anything but…
See, there’s this one person who just secretly dislikes me. Well, at this point, I don’t know if it’s even a secret anymore because it’s pretty obvious. But anyway, it’s been going on for quite some time now, well over a year. And that whole time, I cared a whole deal about this person’s opinion of me. In fact, I tried (and failed) many many many times to change it.
I guess this person’s great dislike of me hit its climax last weekend. And because I cared so much about this person’s thoughts and opinion of me, it tore me apart. I was so hurt. But the thing was, what this person thought of me wasn’t even true. The negative ideas this person had about me weren’t even facts and I knew it. Yet it bothered me so much. Yet I let it get to me. This person would say so and so about me and, despite me knowing better, I let it seep in and affect me.
I questioned a lot of things the night it happened. I asked, “God, after pursuing this person for so long in an effort to try and change their negative opinion of me, how has nothing changed?” And I questioned some more… “I’ve been patient, Lord. I believed in Your plans. But how come this person still feels this way about me after many many months…?”
(I know it sounds like a guy that I’m “pursuing”, as in trying to make him like me in that way, but it really isn’t anything romantic like that haha.)
I questioned and I doubted a lot.
Then, I did something that I’ve been trying to avoid this entire time that this person has disliked me… I stooped down to their level and did the same to them. Judged them. Thought and spoke bad about them. Yapped and yapped about how much of a horrible person they are and so and so. You get the idea.
So today, this person said something about me again. Something along the lines of me being “meaningless” (this person said it in Tagalog). First time I heard it, ouch. This person didn’t even know me beyond my name, yet they were able to say such a hurtful thing about me and say it as if they meant every letter of it. Surprise surprise, I was hurt.
But the weird thing is, unlike all those other incidents similar to this one where this person had said something bad about me, I wasn’t sobbing or raging or snapping. There I was saying things I never expected for me to say at such a time…
I was saying how this person’s judgement of me does not matter because deep inside, I know it isn’t true. Why should I let this person’s negative opinion affect me so much? They are not my Saviour, not my Creator. And I know to those whose opinion truly matter, that I am more than what this person says I am. I am a child of God, I am a daughter of God. To Him, whose judgement truly is what matters to me, I am beloved. And no opinion of anyone else should blur that beautiful truth. No matter how much this person labels me, judges me, or in fact anyone else, their opinion holds no value so long as I know that I am in the Lord’s side.
And not just that, I shouldn’t put matters in my own hands and take my revenge. An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind - fact. And anyway, if Jesus forgave those who persecuted Him, this is my own little persecution and challenge to follow His example.
And now that I think about it, that is all that this probably really is. A challenge. A test. And I know God would never give me something He knows I can’t handle. He wants me to get through this and come out the other side to say that I have become a better person as a result of it.
I hope I have.
Well, I can’t really blame anyone, can I? They never said It would be easy; they just didn’t mention that It would be one of the hardest things you would ever do.
It. With a capital I. Because “It” isn’t just some other thing like toilet paper or pillows. “It” happens to drive the world in motion or even, a lack of “It” drives the world insane.
It is love and love is It.
It. Capital I. “There’s no I in TEAM” but hell yeah there’s an I in It, an I in love (though not literally but still, it’s there). You’d think it’s all about the other person, wouldn’t you? That it usually revolves around them. Well, it kinda does. Until you realize that during difficult times, at the end of the day, it’s all down to you. Stay or go. Stick through it or just leave.
But let’s not skip ahead. Go back a bit.
Love. It’s a beautiful verb, isn’t it? The verb of making someone happy with your good morning messages, hugs, kisses, compliments, late night deep conversations, etcetera etcetera etcetera…
But I don’t know. I’ve come to realize that the verb to love is really a lot more than just those actions. A lot more than just pleasing someone with your little sentiments.
Note: “COME" to realize. It didn’t just occur to me at the start. Yes, any relationship which involves It would tell you the true meaning of the verb love and if you don’t know what I mean? Well, wait until you’re a good bit into the relationship and come back to me.
It’s so funny and weird. Whenever I heard of love, the following usually pops into my mind:
- Butterflies in one’s stomach
- Magic in the air
- Bouquet of flowers
- Surprise dates
You get the point.
So naive. So stupid, even. You’d think that the above is what makes love beautiful, don’t you? But it’s really when you scratch way beneath the surface that the true beauty of love really reveals itself.
It’s when you can’t stand them and want to punch their face so much but, at the same time, you can’t imagine anyone else you’d rather spend the rest of your life with.
It’s when you’re willing to forgive despite common sense fighting against you.
It is the action of forgiving despite everything.
Wow, where is this blog post heading to.
I don’t know, guys.
I’m Drunk on Ed Sheeran right now. Get it? Sheerios will get it.
And now I’m off topic. Great.
I’ll just end this by throwing in a few words that maybe would make this post make sense if I ever decide to read back to this post in the future…
A part of loving is forgiving, isn’t it?
And here comes the part where I said there’s an I in love. Because it’s down to you in the end. Whether you lower your pride and let your love win. Or you lower your love and let your pride win.
But then if you really do love someone…
Ok. Enough blogging for tonight, Shen. Go home, Shen. You’re Drunk.